You're in a gap between who you were and who you're becoming. Your communication confidence can feel borrowed. Your sense of self can feel like it needs a new address. Each edition delivers one small step to help you communicate with more confidence, and move through change without losing yourself. Read one below, if you find yourself in it, you're in the right place. Written by Susan, Director of Blossoming Speaker and creator of the Speak Afraid Method.
How decision making and change is related, is something uncomfortable, including for me.
InsightI was learning the psychological perspective on decision making when I realised that for many people, we treat decision making like we do change. We hold on. I know it doesn’t make much sense, especially as a top line review seeking its meaning. Both change and a decision means something changes so how can we hold on? It's like going on a holiday and packing that extra jumper, pair of jeans, pair of shoes, just in case. Things deep down we know we don’t need, but because we don’t know all the things that may happen when on the vacation, isn’t it better to hold on and bring those things just in case? So then the loads we carry on our journey become unnecessarily heavier because we do not let go. Due to any volume of uncertainty, we believe it is best to hold on to these things just in case the rare chance we may need it eventuates. This is what we do with change and decisions, especially when we know that they will have a greater influence in transforming our current way of life. So What?When I lead projects or launches that involve a greater proportion of new things to take on board, I see a common trend that we tend to hold on to the older versions because they are familiar, we have certainty on how to work with it, and because of habit. So we are trying to adopt a new way of working or whatever the change is, yet we hold on to the old ways just in case. Then we wonder why we no longer have enough hours in a day, feel overwhelmed and exhausted. We are holding on to too many things and should have let go of the old version. The same I discovered with decision making. Doubt creeps in so we feel we need to hold on to the alternative options we had to choose from while we act on the decision we made. To me it is like being Jean Claude Van Dame in that commercial where he has one leg on one truck, the other leg on another truck, and he starts doing the splits as the trucks drive away. Fear is tricking us to believe that we need to hold onto the just in case, while really it knows it is patiently overwhelming us, clouding our discernment, and eroding our confidence. We lose trust in the change or the decision and go back to that old version of comfort that pains us because we know it no longer serves us. Fear doesn’t care, it stopped you from either moving forward, made you silent, or made you play small. All things you were not built to be. What if the change or decision doesn’t go well?It does not mean you need to hold on to your ‘just in case’ options, and this is the part many of us don’t like. The holding onto the ‘just in case’ is like our security blanket. We believe it is that which gives us courage and confidence to move forward. Sorry but this is false, and yes I didn’t like hearing this either. Courage and confidence is already in you, you only need to discover your way to release it. We do not need to hold onto the ‘just in case’ because they became obsolete the moment you decided on one option or had change introduced. This introduced decision or change needs to be followed through and if it produces an outcome that is not favourable? Well you can tap into your power of choice to decide what to do next. Remember, in every present moment, we always have all that we need to take the next step. We are not meant to know all the answers, otherwise why have a journey in life? We are meant to get curious, explore, and keep moving through change and the decisions we make. A different exercise to help you release the “just in case.”
You just showed yourself that you do not need those “just in cases”. Your answers you just noted are the tip on your iceberg that you may lean on if anything unexpected happens when going through that decision or change. Have confidence in that. Allow that confidence to come through in your voice when you speak. All the best, Susan. P.S. I encourage you, hit reply and let me know what you discovered. You've got this. |
Minute Insight by Blossoming Speaker
You're in a gap between who you were and who you're becoming. Your communication confidence can feel borrowed. Your sense of self can feel like it needs a new address. Each edition delivers one small step to help you communicate with more confidence, and move through change without losing yourself. Read one below, if you find yourself in it, you're in the right place. Written by Susan, Director of Blossoming Speaker and creator of the Speak Afraid Method.
Insight I sometimes think that being under pressure is like being a boiling potato. Yes, thanks to me practicing the Speak Afraid Method, I am becoming more courageous and confident in sharing different perspectives to help you communicate through the uncertainty gap of change. Now back to boiling potatoes. Pressure is required for the potato to boil and for it to change its state from raw to cooked. Pressure here is not a problem but something required to help the potato transform. It’s when...
Insight I’ve said “you are enough” to other people more times than I can count, I even included it as my first affirmation in my book Confidence Booster, Affirmations to Reframe Your Mindset and Boost Confidence. I meant it every time I said it and wrote it. I can see it in others clearly, and know it is a truth. But believing it about myself, in a way that sticks, well, that is a different conversation. So I spent time learning why and so far, I came across two reasons. I will discuss one...
Insight For years I believed courage was something I needed to dig for. The deeper I went, the more I’d find. So, when change arrived and shook something loose inside me, I kept digging, head down, inward, searching. I didn’t realise that all that digging was actually my most convincing excuse to stay still. I was in the uncertainty gap. No longer who I was, not yet who I am becoming, and in that in between space, I couldn’t articulate much. The words sat at the tip of my tongue and wouldn’t...